A lot of my life has been chaotic.
I’m used to personal catastrophes and family emergencies being a regular feature of my life. I learned the tools to survive in it, which served me then, but an unfortunate side effect of that is my difficulty functioning outside of it. I had become addicted to chaos.
Whenever I lived in its absence for too long, I would create my own compulsively, and the fallout from those choices provided me with the turmoil my brain was craving to return to normalcy. Over the years that pattern chipped away at my credibility, my relationships, my self-image, and ultimately left me broken.
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